Today: A collection of random musings from good friends of mine.

-I love oranges … They have sexy peal

-Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled……I laughed at the irony…..Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.

-BBC has iPlayer. ITV has ITV Player. MSN has MSN Player. Sky has Sky Player….. I wonder why Channel 4 called theirs 4oD?

-I lost my grandfather recently…..He was hiding in the cupboard, silly cunt.

-It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and it found over 15,000 matches.

-Me and my friend were discussing CD’s the other day…… Then we shot-putted oranges.

-What do you say to a man who’s just stole your gate? Nothing. He might take a fence.

-Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7. He replied “I still love Vista, baby”

-A girl winked at me across the room in Maths lecture today; I think it was a sine…

-How can you tell a maths student from other girls sunbathing on the beach? Look for the tan line…

-My aunt has just been sacked from her job at the jigsaw factory. She’s in pieces.

-I went as a leaf blower for Hallow e’en. At a party, one guy came in dressed as a leaf. Needless to say, it was awkward.

-I’ve just spotted this Facebook page for people who fantasize about turning into household objects,I just became a fan.

-We’ve got stained glass windows in our flat ….. Fucking pigeons.

-I once had a bad experience at a pantomime……. Fortunately, now it’s behind me.

-I stole an oven a couple of hours ago……………. I’m still waiting for the heat to die down.

-I got a phone call from British Gas to say my bill was outstanding….. I said, “Thanks!”

-Apparently, men with small penises want more rights. It’s difficult to see where they’re coming from.